Does Good Sex Matter?
We all like to be good at things - or at least we like to feel like we’re good at things - but what does it even mean to be good at sex, and does being good at sex have any real bearing on whether or not we’re having good sex?
We love orgasms more than most folks - heck, it’s right there in our name! - but it feels like more and more, ‘good sex’ is measured only by the quantity - and possibly duration of - orgasms and not in terms of actual enjoyment or the pleasure we experience in having sex.
Not only do folks have a tendency to make orgasm the goal of sex, but there’s also so much messaging out there about the kinds of orgasms we ought to have (g-spot vs clitoral), but also when we have orgasms (don’t come too soon or too late!), and we’re rated according to the quality and quantity of the orgasms we have and the quality and quantity of the orgasms we give to others.
The popularity of our sex workshops and educational materials is a testament to how much import we place on giving good orgasms. When folks ask us how to give ‘great head’ or how to ‘make’ someone have a g-spot orgasm, we’re always happy to give people tools to learn about technique, but invariably, the real answer is ‘enthusiasm’.
We know it is near impossible to tune out all of the misleading and negative messaging we receive about sexuality throughout our lives, but perhaps we can have sex that actively challenge those ideas about sex. Try something new or that you don’t usually do - you never know what you’ll discover and you’ll be doing your part to change the sexual landscape for all of us!