As more and more of us explore various pleasure zones throughout our own and our partners’ bodies, the anus has, at long last, received some of the attention it so richly deserves.
In spite (and because) of the still pervasive anal taboo, anal eroticism opens up a world of sexual possibility - whether as main course or appetizer. Dispelling fear and combating ignorance is the first step to enjoying anal sex.
At Come As You Are we don’t believe there is a single ‘expert’ approach to anal sex, or any sex for that matter. Instead, we encourage you to become an expert on your own desires, and to discover the knowledge and tools to increase pleasure and decrease unwanted risk.
The good news is that a few simple tips can help maximize safety and potential pleasure. This brochure offers a non-medical, pleasure-based approach to exploring and enjoying anal play.
Back door basics - ifs, ands & butts!
Learn about the anus. The opening of the anus contains the highest concentration of nerve endings. Thereafter, the anus responds mostly to feelings of fullness or pressure. Putting pressure on the ventral wall of the anus (towards the navel) a couple of inches in will stimulate the prostate gland. The tip of the internal clitoral body in women can also be stimulated through the anus.
Relax and take the time to explore your anal opening (sphincter muscles), anal canal, and prostate gland. Be conscious of what feels good and what doesn’t. Stop if you are overwhelmed by difficult or negative emotions. Breathe, relax, continue if you choose. If it hurts, don’t force it. Pain means that something is not quite right.
Open your mind to all the possibilities of anal play. These include touching with fingers or other body parts or objects, licking or oral-anal contact (popularly known as rimming), pulling open the buttocks thereby stretching the anal opening, and penetration with fingers, toys, or penis. Don’t forget fantasy and dirty talking to augment anal play - or during another type of play entirely!
Be aware that the lining of the anus is very sensitive to damage, so precautions should be taken. Lubricant is essential for anal penetration as the anus does not produce its own lubrication. Anything near or in the anus should be smooth and free of jagged edges; cut fingernails short and round the edges with an emery board. Dildos with a flared base are advised - anything that slips out of your grasp may not be easily retrievable!
Play safely. Do not put anything from the anus to vagina - bacteria that live quite happily in the anus can cause havoc in the vagina. Use a fresh condom on penis or toys and a fresh latex glove on hands, or wash very thoroughly. Using a dental dam or slicing open a condom to use as a barrier during oral-anal contact reduces the risk of transmitting infections.
Toys and anal play
Any sex toy safe for anal play should:
- be smooth, without sharp edges or seams.
- have a flared base or end that prevents it from slipping all the way in.
- be made of a strong material that won’t easily break and that is easy to clean.
There are many different kinds of toys designed for anal play.
Anal Dildos come in a range of colours, sizes, shapes and designs - but must meet the above three criteria for a safe anal toy.
Butt Plugs create a feeling of fullness and pressure. The design of a butt plug helps it to stay in place. This means you can keep one in while playing solo, with a partner, or while going out for brunch!
Anal Beads work by engaging your sphincter muscles as you gently pull them out. They create a feeling that is less of fullness and more of a pleasurable ripple of sensation.
Prostate Toys are usually designed with a curve to help stimulate the prostate. They may help increase blood flow, improve prostate health and create pleasure.
Get in touch
Online Sexual Health Resources
It can be challenging to navigate the world of online sexual health resources. Here are a few sex positive sites that have information including, but not limited to, anal pleasure.
The Sexual Health Network
This site offers a comprehensive collection of articles on a range of sexual health issues, mostly from a medical perspective.
Scarleteen offers straight forward, easily accessible information on a range of sexual health topics. Type “anal” into the search bar on the home page to find lots of interesting q&a style responses to a range of questions.
American Social Health Association
A trusted site for information regarding sexually transmitted infections.
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men by Bill Brent
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino