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how to use a dildo

how to use a dildo

Dildos are wonderfully empowering sex toys precisely because they don't do anything you don't want them to do. When you're playing with a dildo it's all you, but the dildo adds something both to the physical and psychological experience. There's no one right way to use a dildo, but if you're experiencing some shyness with your new dildo here are a few pointers to get you started.

start solo

Even if you're planning on using a dildo with a partner, we recommend starting out on your own. This gives you the chance to explore and experiment with your new dildo without any distractions (pleasant though they may be). Using a dildo on your own is also important as it's the only way you'll be able to tell a partner how you want them to use it on you.

cleanliness before

When you get your dildo home be sure to wash it well before first use. Look it over carefully and check for tears. Make sure you've read and understood the care instructions for the material your dildo is made of.

don't forget the lube

You should use a good quality lubricant with all toys for penetration. Dildos don't lubricate themselves, and using a lubricant will make everything you do with your dildo more sensitive and more slippery. Squeeze some lube into your hand and rub it along the shaft and tip of the dildo. Use your fingers to put some lube in and around wherever the dildo is heading.  Some dildos are not compatible with some lubes: silicone dildos are not compatible with silicone lubes, and rubber dildos are not compatible with oil-based lubes.  All dildos are compatible with water-based lubes, though.

more rubber love

Unless you are using a dildo that can be boiled in water you should always use a condom on your dildo. Using condoms is also a great way to make clean up easier, and to extend the life of your dildo. And the great benefit of a dildo is that it won't complain that condoms spoil the mood or make them go soft!

the right dildo for the right hole

Most dildos are safe for vaginal penetration, but not all dildos are safe for anal use. If you want to use your dildo for anal sex it has to have a big flared base (to stop it from slipping up into the rectum) and it should be completely smooth and seamless. Never move a dildo from the anus to the vagina. If you want to use your dildo for both you have to put a condom on the dildo and replace the condom each time and between anal and vagina use. We also recommend using latex gloves or nitrile gloves for anal play.

don't start at zero

The first time you use your dildo you should get yourself turned on first, masturbating however you regularly do. Once you're feeling aroused start by using the dildo externally. Rub it against your body, pressing it into your skin, rolling it over your sensitive parts. When you first insert the dildo go slow. See what it feels like to have just the tip of the dildo inside you. Even if you know you like deep penetration, take time to explore variation in what you can do with your dildo.

the motion of the ocean and the depths of the sea

Once you've got the basics down, you can start to play with penetration at different depths. Some people like deep penetration, with long slow strokes, others like shallow and fast thrusting. You may want to start with one and finish with another. Also experiment with motion; there's in and out, but there's also up and down, side to side, and twisting. You can use a dildo in the same way you might have penetration with a partner, or use a dildo to do something completely different that no partner could do.

relax and turn on your mind

Using a dildo can be a boon to sexual fantasy. It's like having someone else in the room who is exactly the size and shape you want, and who moves precisely the way you want them to every time. If you don't engage in a lot of sexual fantasy, close your eyes, breathe deep, play with your dildo and let your mind wander. You can replay some old favourite sex experiences in your head, or imagine new ones.

put some muscle into it

Using a dildo is a great way to also do a PC muscle or kegel exercise. You can exercise your PC muscles by squeezing down on the dildo, and this isn't just good for you, some people find this feels good on its own. Experiment with squeezing down as you push the dildo in and pull it out. Make sure you're using lots of lube, but notice how the increased friction changes the way it feels to use the dildo.

don't forget the clitoris

Dildos are made for internal stimulation, but if there's a clitoris in the picture don't forget it's there, and show it some loving. Adding clitoral stimulation to penetration with a dildo can take the experience to a new level. It can take some co-ordination, but try varying the speed and pressure of the clitoral stimulation with the speed and of the penetration. If you've never been able to rub your belly and pat your head, and this seems like that times twenty, you can use a small vibe for clitoral stimulation. There are also vibrating cock rings that can be worn at the base of a dildo and used for clitoral stimulation.

partner meet dildo

There are many ways to use a dildo with a partner. They can use it on you, you can use it on them, or one of you can use it on yourself while the other watches or does other things. What's most important is that all partners commit to talking it through the first couple of times. Ask what works and what doesn't. Is there any trepidation? It can be good to use it on yourself while your partner watches at least once, so they can see what you like and how you do it.

double penetration

A few people like to use dildos for double penetration. Double penetration is an activity that requires a lot of patience, lubricant, and protection if you're going to do it safely. For women it's important to remember not to transfer any fluids or material from the anus to the vagina. If you're interested in exploring double penetration we recommend reading about it first, and starting with small dildos (or butt plugs).

bend over boyfriend

Since we opened in 1997, we've noticed a significant trend of straight-identified couples exploring male anal play or pegging. There are now several educational videos and books devoted to women penetrating their male partners (loving dubbed Bend Over Boyfriend). Most of the tips above (and our tips on how to use anal dildos) apply to couples where the man is going to be penetrated. The only extra piece is that many guys still hold negative views of anal play. But for those that want to challenge these myths, a world of sexual pleasure is just waiting.

 

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