Newsletter No. 21: Summer 2003

May is National Masturbation Month. Let’s Celebrate!

Most of us grow up being told that being alone is a tragedy.  We must couple, we must procreate, we must own at least three major appliances.  This relationship imperative can be overwhelming.  In rebelling against these ideas some of us overcompensate and pretend that being alone is perfectly fine all the time.  But that’s not entirely true either. 
Being single sucks.  Well, sometimes it sucks, other times it blows. And still other times it’s more like an amazing-stupendous-this-is-just-the-way-I-want-to-live-my-life tune that floats through your mind as you survey the world in all its glory.
It’s a lie that we can’t be happy alone.  Just like it’s a lie that you can’t learn to love another before you learn to love yourself.  The truth is that all these clichés and Dr. Phil pop-psychology quick fixes don’t really help us live our lives honestly or well.  To do that we need to find our own clichés, make up our own daily affirmations (thankfully we don’t all have to put them up on the fridge with a sticky note) and that means starting at the beginning:  with ourselves.  
Some may say ‘I love masturbation so much because I’m alone, not getting any with “real” people, so I’m settling’.  Let’s ask the rhetorical question:  what does it mean when people “settle” by having sex with themselves?  Shouldn’t we want to have sex with ourselves?  Isn’t the idea of loving ourselves at least a little bit exciting?
We’re not trying to argue that self-love is better than or more important than sex with partners. That’s a ridiculous argument to try and make.  All we are suggesting is that we all give a little credit and respect to ALL of our sexual relationships.  When we masturbate we ARE loving ourselves, we are, on some small level, accepting ourselves and showing a kind of kindness and attention that we can not only transfer to the way we treat others, but we can take into our non-sexual realms of the way we treat ourselves.  

News

Masturbate-A-Thon
Finally an event for athletes of a different variety, the fifth annual Masturbate-A-Thon. An event that celebrates masturbation as an important part of sexuality and at the same time raises funds for sexual health organizations. This year’s funds raised through Come As You Are will be donated to Voices of Positive Women. For more information or to download a pledge form, visit www.comeasyouare.com.

Jerk Off!

A fundraising cabaret of performances about masturbation featuring spoken word, burlesque and rock music in celebration of Masturbation Month. Friday May 23rd at 10:30 pm at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander, Toronto, Ontario. Cost is $10 in advance and $15 at the door. For advance Tickets call 416-504-7934.

Edmonton Feminist Collective
The FUSS feminist collective (Fuckin' Up Sexist Shit) has declared May 19th to 25th to be Pleasure Week and will be hosting a series of talks and workshops exploring different aspects of sexual pleasure leading up to the National Masturbate-A-Thon weekend. More information can be found at http://www.apirg.org/~fuss/index.htm.  FUSS is sponsored by APIRG (Alberta Public Research Interest Group) at the University of Alberta.

Voluptuaries II
The photography exhibition Voluptuaries II: The Redemption of Flesh by Toronto photographer, artist and writer Carol Camper opens Saturday, May 3rd from 7:30PM to 10PM at Come As You Are. Part of Contact ‘03, the 7th Annual Toronto Photography Festival, Carol’s exhibition of black and white and colour photographs explores topographies of voluptuous mystery and luminous skin. Her images of women suggest a questioning, a challenging of sexual fear, a daring to test or perhaps eliminate limits. A ‘sequel’ to last year’s successful Voluptuaries: Sex Noir, Voluptuaries II continues Camper’s playful, exuberant and unabashedly erotic engagement of sexy, independent women. The photos will be on display for the entire month of May. 

Toys

Lavender and luscious, furry and fabulous, pink and precious. Tactile toys and lotions to herald the return of warm weather. Treats for the skin that warm and excite the senses. 

The tantalizing Hathor Aphrodisia Love Lotion is made from organically cultivated essential oils. This sweet smelling non-oily lotion will provide a wonderful massage that will relax, stimulate, and prepare you for the night ahead without leaving the skin too greasy. 8oz $32 2oz $12

The Kama Sutra Raspberry Treasure Trove is an ideal surprise for yourself, friends, or the spring brides-to-be in your lives. Consisting of sweetly scented honey dust, oil of love, pleasure balm, and a decorative canister which make all the elements of a perfect evening. $58

Our new Deluxe Wrist Restraints are beautifully made with the softest leather padding. Comfortable for long lasting fun, and durable with a locking buckle. Restrain your lover in style. $95

For those of you who prefer an even softer touch, try surrendering yourself to our Wrist Restraints with Fun Fur. Lovely to look at and even lovelier against the skin. You won’t want to get out of these! $85

The Power Pump 6000 can be used to stimulate either your nipples or your clit. Just place on the area of your choice to create a vacuum. With increased blood flow, your nipples or clit can swell and become much more sensitive. A great toy to bring fresh ideas and new sensations into the bedroom. $46

The Feeldoe is an aesthetically pleasing and functional double-headed silicone dildo. One end provides ample flare to grasp and the other end is perfect for penetration. One of the least awkward double dildos we’ve tested. Great for free hand as well as harness use. $110

Videos
The newest videos of the season offer a panoramic dream of personal eroticisms and exploration. Up close and personal, the camera finds all those dark nooks of sexuality, and fun leads to frolic. 

In Briana Loves Jenna, superstar Jenna Jamieson explores the darker side of fame and narcissm in a funny and visually lush pornographic adventure. Briana loves Jenna, but Jenna loves Jenna more and we all love Jenna loving herself. Perfect fodder for the month of Masturbation. Heterosexual focus. DVD $50 VHS $34 

The girls take to the bowling alley in this hilariously ridiculous girl-love episode of Shanes’s World. Shane’s World Slumber Party-Rad Chicks features the cutest and raunchiest women around, cruising and undressing any chance they can get. A tribute to the sexually strong young woman. Lesbian focus. DVD $45 VHS $34

Voyeur 22 is the perfect flick for people who want their porn straight-up. By number 22, the series still holds interest as the camera moves between doors and around corners. The viewer becomes implicated in the voyeurism. The best scene features one very cute Mr. Marcus being seduced, and wonderful dirty talk ensues. Simplistic and explicit. The Voyeur series is absolute no-frills yet refreshing. DVD $50 VHS $34

Full Load is a great addition to the growing number of independent queer/trans titles available these days.  Full Load keeps the plot to a minimum, but features a variety of scenes connected by running themes of domination and submission, loads of super-cute tranny boys, sexy pierced girls, and dirty talk that permeates the whole film. VHS $65

The Best of Vulva Massage provides a great introduction to all the sex education world has to offer. Featuring the best scenes from a number of great education titles and a good spectrum of several styles of vulva massage. Wonderfully complete by highlighting a diversity of different vulvas, different experiences, and chock full of different orgasms from quiet and calming to loud and volcanic. DVD $65 VHS $65

Books

Books to celebrate sexuality in all its myriad forms. Liberating, raucous, and proud. Brand-new publications of pleasure politics that speak with humour and honesty. A collection of erotica full of the spiciest and nicest erotic language, sure to satisfy a spectrum of one-handed readers.

The Clitourist is an edgy, entertaining travel guide to the body. Funny and informative, this wonderfully illustrated book makes exploration fun. $22.95

In Real Live Nude Girl, sex educator and worker Dr. Carol Queen tells riveting tales, some funny, some sad, drawing from her own life experiences. Out of print until recently, this book is an important contribution to sex-positive culture. $24.95

Best Black Women’s Erotica Volume 2 is chock full of sexy stories from 20 different authors around the globe. The stories portray a wide variety of bright and exciting characters, telling tales of love, lust, and passionate hot encounters. $24.95

The 10th anniversary edition of the Best American Erotica series provides steamier stories than ever. From seductive babysitters to an erotic baking class, this book has something for everyone. The stories in Best American Erotica 2003 are well written, hot, and almost impossible to put down. $22

Best of the Best Meat Erotica serves up a smorgasboard of delicious erotic reading. Sexy, kinky, from sweet and tender to wild and raunchy, this collection will leave your mouth watering. $28

Workshops

Art of Feminine Dominance Level Two
With Midori
Elegance, power and confidence... Do you want to know how to be a dominant without being a bitch? How do you find a sexy and effective style of dominance? Fetish Diva Midori will share with you her secrets of the feminine art of dominance. She will discuss the psychology, politics, practical exercises, techniques, fashion and more. This class is not limited to a gender, but for all who harbor the powerful woman within! Something for everyone from the novice to the experienced player. May 10, 7:00 pm to 9:30. $30 

Seduction by Voice and Erotic Storytelling
With Midori
The brain is the biggest sex organ and the voice can be the most powerful tool to create the hottest scenes. Midori will show you how to use the hypnotic magic of the voice to seduce your lover long before you enter the bedroom or the dungeon. Learn how to suggest, command, tease and take control with the art of voice. Enjoy practical exercises, tips and secrets of aural seduction. Most of the class will address fundamentals and skills applicable to all sensual encounters. There will be a specific section of the class dedicated to voice and command techniques to enhance your SM and D/s scenes. This class applies to SM players and non-SM players alike and will feature demos, practical exercises, and tips. May 12, 7:30 pm to 10:00. $30

Sex Toys for Men
With Lily Fine
An overview of the variety of sex toys for men and how they work on a man's body. Anatomy, preparation, cleaning, safety considerations, selecting lube and exploring ways to explore the use of toys with your partner. Men only.
May 26, 7:30 to 10:00 pm. $30

Girl Parts & The Big O
With Carol Camper
Female sexual anatomy & orgasm learn about the what & the where of women’s sexual anatomy the what & the how of orgasm — in its myriad forms techniques for achieving orgasm for all women on the orgasm learning curve — getting there faster & slower & more often, by yourself & with a partner(s), in a different new way; getting there, period. This workshop is for those with girl parts. May 27, 7:30 to 10:00 pm. $30

Make Your Own Dildo 
With Shawna Morissette
This workshop will be filled with frolicking, laughter, and playing in the mud. Create your own microwave, freezer and dishwasher safe clay dildo. Not only will you make beautiful art and a conversation piece; it is also safe to use in other ways (Wink…wink)! Masterpieces can be picked up 3 weeks after the workshop. June 8, 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm. $60

Intimate Improv
With Cecilia Tan
A lecture seminar on bringing your fantasies to life, how to use erotic role playing to deepen intimacy between partners and make good sex even better. Creating scenarios and playing "let's pretend" allows us to get at deep levels of erotic emotion, experience feelings we might otherwise not, and creates a bond of intimacy that can only be had through the kind of shared experience role-playing can provide. Techniques for sharing your fantasies, tailoring a scenario to your specific tastes, how to get started, props and costumes, and keeping it all within your budget, within legal limits, and safe, will be discussed. September 2, 7:30 pm to 10:00 pm. $30

Stroking the Pen
With Cecilia Tan
A workshop on how to free your erotic imagination through writing. The Story of O was written by a woman trying to catch the attention of a man. Anais Nin's diaries stand as some of the greatest erotic literature of the 20th century. Stories, love letters, and other writings can represent our deepest desires, and it is at that deep level that the spark of creativity and inspiration resides. Attendees will try their hands at short erotic vignettes, with fun exercises to share with the group or with a partner. No prior writing experience is necessary, although valuable advice will be given for those who aspire to write professionally. Bring a notebook and a pen, or your laptop.
September 3, 7:30 pm to 10:00 pm. $30