Newsletter No. 33: SUMMER 2006

The War on Masturbation 

~for Bill O’Reily

Every year, for the past eight years, we at Come As You Are have exercised our God given right to celebrate May as National Masturbation Month. We’ve made t-shirts and bumper stickers, held concerts and cabarets…we haven’t been afraid to get our hands dirty to honour the earth’s most popular sexual behaviour.  

We’ve done this peacefully in the name of sexual pleasure.  Sure we feel bad about the centuries of bloodshed and terror perpetrated in the name of masturbation and the power the pro-masturbation lobbies have over world governments.  But Masturbation Month isn’t about these things.  It’s about celebrating the simplest and most direct form of sexual stimulation we know. Who could object to that?

Radicals with too much time on their hands, that’s who.  People who only want you to have sex with other people, and who want to eradicate masturbation in word and deed from our collective consciousness.  People, a war has been quietly raging. A War on Masturbation, and this year it’s coming to a head. The signs are clear.   

February saw a double ended attack on masturbation.  First, the science world was abuzz over research which claimed to “prove” that sex with a partner was 400% better than masturbation, then the Guardian Unlimited ran an essay by Ian Buruma that posed the seemingly rhetorical question “Does masturbation lead to suicide bombing?”  Are we supposed to think this is a coincidence?

It’s even hitting the retail sector. As Masturbation Month approaches I’m sure you’ve noticed the complete absence of the word “masturbation” in May retail displays across Canada. Instead they’re welcoming “Spring” and “Flowers”.  What’s this supposed to mean?  People don’t worship Spring, they worship Masturbation.

In an effort to get to the bottom of this we contacted Canadian retail giants Zellers, the Bay, and Lou’s Sex Shack.  Zeller’s spokespeople had this to say, “We aren’t going to answer your questions and if you call again we will contact the police.”  Obviously they’ve caved to political pressure. We’ll be calling for a boycott soon. According to Lou at Lou’s Sex Shack, her staff are welcome to wish customers happy masturbation month, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of pushing cheap products to an unsuspecting public. Compelling stuff, no?

Those waging this War on Masturbation claim that if masturbation is allowed to be freely discussed, we’ll be opening the doors to legalized prostitution, rampant drug use, and same-sex marriage. We masturbators believe the opposite to be true. After all, masturbating keeps us busy.  If we can’t masturbate, we’ll have to do something with our time and come to think of it, decriminalized prostitution, recreational drug use, and freely marrying the people we love don’t sound like bad back-up plans.

Call us traditional but we believe that masturbation is a central part of sexual expression across the lifespan. This May we’ll be singing it loud and proud from the rooftops. We hope you’ll join us!  Happy Masturbation Month!

Sex Workshops American Style!

While we can do without their guns and religious intolerance, there are many things we love about the old U.S. of A.  One of them is their daring and darling sex educators.  We’ve got two of our favourites coming to the store in May and June to do workshops exclusively for Come As You Are.  

From New York City:  Pop His Rocket & the Art of Female Orgasm in May
After years of cajoling, bribing, and erotic pleading, Ducky Doolittle, performer, educator, and author of the recently released Sex with the Lights On : 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered is coming to Toronto and we’re offering two of her most popular workshops.  Her blow job (Pop His Rocket) class will blow your mind as it busts myths and dishes dirt on how to really handle your guy.  The Art of Female Orgasm demystifies the female body, from erogenous zones, to the vulva, clit, G spot, female ejaculation, pelvic muscles and anal pleasure. There’s science, Eastern wisdom, and plenty of dirty tricks for you to put up your sleeve.

From San Francisco: Beginning to Bottom/Beginning to Top in June
Fetish Diva Midori is back and in addition to offering two more of her sold-out hands on rope bondage workshops, she’s giving two workshops never before offered in Toronto.  Beginning to Top focuses on scene scenarios and scripts, offers tips on how to pace your play, establish a rhythm, and read your bottom. There will be several two person exercises and plenty of interactive learning.  In Beginning to Bottom Midori will get you started in the right direction, talk about breaking through, and cover common problems and ways of dealing with conflict with tops.

From the Marketplace: Laura Antoniou Book Reading
Join us in Toronto on Saturday June 17th from 7pm to 9pm for an evening with renowned writer, Laura Antoniou. Antoniou will be reading from her much beloved Marketplace series, as well as answering questions and autographing books. This is a free event!

Books

The coolest release of the year! Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong is jam packed full of 67 articles and essays, this Disinformation Guide to the Extremes of Human Sexuality contains a wealth of information! Find out what it’s like behind the scenes at a fist-a-thon, sneak a peek into the sex museums of Japan, learn the strange history of condoms, and so much more. Learn from professors, prostitutes, sexologists, novelists and everyone in between. There’s so much between these pages we can’t even begin to describe all of it. Are you ready for Disinformation’s take on the world of sex? $34.99 

No one knows more about fantasy life than groundbreaking adult film director Candida Royalle, and in How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do she shares all her secrets with you! Using both her personal and professional experience, Royalle helps women realize and understand their own needs and fantasies while giving them the confidence to bring creativity into their sex lives. Full of tricks of the trade director’s notes, Candida shows you how to prepare the room, bring in toys, dress sexy and, perhaps most importantly, conquer your stage fright and let him know what you want! A fun filled and useful book of guidance to turn you into the star of your own desire! Heterosexual focus. $19

Adult Video News has always been a great source for reviews of adult movies, providing up to date news and information. In The AVN Guide to the 500 Greatest Adult Films of All Time, the top editors of AVN have complied the 500 greatest films of all time and formatted them into an easy to follow guide. Complete with top 10 lists of stars, directors and more, every category is covered, and all your favourite stars are here, along with some others you may not know about! A definite must for both novice viewers and the seasoned adult film buff. $22.95

Another ingredient in the bestselling Brown Sugar series, Brown Sugar 4, brings together award winning African-American writers celebrating sexy writing. None of these explorative, energetic, erotic stories have ever been published before and there’s something new sure to whet everyone’s sexual appetite! $20

Three Kinds of Asking For It brings together three risqué writers who explore the sometimes risky experience of having your fantasy come true. Jill Soloway, an award-winning writer/producer writes “Jodi K”, an earnest and amusing tale of a young girl’s sexuality while regular Best American Erotica contributor Eric Albert’s “Charmed, I’m Sure” tells of a magical modern day seduction. “Bending” by Greta Christina is a wonderful scheme to open up a young woman’s sexual needs and desires. Three Kinds of Asking For It is a scrumptious gathering of erotic novellas. $19

Toys

Smoothie G is sleek style and affordability all tied into one cute little package. A great toy as a starter, this vibe has strong vibration at the tip, good for both g-spot and clitoral stimulation. Plus, with crystal jelly good looks, this toy has become our newest bestseller! $36

Why choose plastic when you can go gold?  The Little Gold is a whole 24 carats of pure luxurious vibrating pleasure.  These sleek vibes are entirely waterproof, body-safe, medical-grade, non-toxic and did we already mention that they're made of gold?  The Little Gold features a unique replaceable motor, whisper-quiet vibration and you can get up to 16 hours of use off of just one AA battery. $325

Ready for the sex toy revolution?  First there was rubber, then there was silicone , and now there’s a new player on the sex toy scene: elastomer.  This material is as soft and pliable as your old-school rubber toys, but is latex and phthalate-free. The best part? It doesn’t smell like rubber! Check out the Elastomer Rabbit Habit and the other great dual-function vibes made out of this great new material. $130

Liberate yourself and check out the ultimate in bedroom adventure gear!  Liberator Shapes provide cushioning and take the strain off your back and the rest of your body during sex.  Available in ramp and wedge styles, this is a truly modular system that is sure to make your favourite sexual position much more accessible.  Wedge $96 Ramp $190

Our sexiest and most comfortable leather harness goes vegan!  With its signature d-ring and buckle design, the Vegan Jaguar isn’t made of pleather, it is made of durable and breathable synthetic leather.  With a matte black exterior and a super soft interior, we’re sure you’re going to love this great alternative to leather harnesses. $105

DVDs

This month we’re highlighting the newest genre porn that’s stealing our hearts and bodies:  Alt Porn.  Variously described as porn with a punk rock aesthetic, porn with attitude, and simply porn that’s smoking hot, Alt Porn reminds us a lot of the golden age of porn (but with more tattoos and piercing).  Everyone actually seems to be having fun, the bodies are a little less plastic, and the sex is, well, sexy.  If you’re looking for something different, check out our selection of Alt Porn titles.

Joanna's Angels are on a mission to protect New York in this campy send up that has a sense of fun to match its raunchy sex. The Angels are definitely in control, of the crime and the sex, and are led by the fearless (and impossibly sexy) Joanna Angel. $39

BurningAngel.com is the movie that started the Joanna Angel revolution (well, in our heads it’s a revolution).  Punk rock sex mixed with band interviews (including My Chemical Romance and Dillinger Escape Plan) and rollicking New York porn. We’ve fallen head over heels for Joanna Angel, and we think you will too.  $39

A porn made by a vegetarian farmer from North Carolina is bound to be alternative in some way.  Ron Royster doesn’t disappoint with Alternative Worldz: Atlanta XXX, a documentary style fantastic fun house of porn featuring some of the cutest pierced and tattooed girls and guys getting messy with spanking, sex toys, foot fetishism, and more. $39

Before Alt Porn became a genre, Tristan Taormino turned educational titles on their head with her best-selling Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women vols. 1 & 2.  She’s back with a bang, in Tristan Taormino’s House of Ass, a reality show inspired anal tape featuring porn’s hottest alt performers (Justine Joli, Joanna Angel) paired up with porn’s hottest guys (including Mr. Marcus).  The results are spontaneous, hot, and a little bit endearing.  Offering an intimate look at how porn performers really feel about sex on and off camera, this is a tape that will get you off and make you feel good about watching it. $39

Workshops

Monday, April 24
Men and Trans People Only
OR
Wednesday, April 26
Women and Trans People Only
Waking the Neighbourhood:
An Anal Massage Workshop
With Paul Barber 

Wednesday, May 3
Creating Romance Through Massage and Essential Oils
With Susanna
Couples only, all orientations welcome.

Monday, May 15 and May 22
The Kama Sutra 
With Sudharshan Duraiyappah
All genders welcome.

Tuesday, May 30
Art of Female Orgasm
With Ducky DooLittle
All genders welcome.

Wednesday, May 31
Pop His Rocket
With Ducky DooLittle
All genders welcome.

Sunday, June 18 OR Monday, June 19
Hands-On Japanese Rope Bondage
With Midori
All genders welcome.

Tuesday, June 20
Beginning to Bottom
With Midori
All genders welcome.

Wednesday, June 21
Beginning to Top
With Midori
All genders welcome.