Newsletter No. 47: FALL 2009
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Sex and Change
As a worker co-operative, change is part of our every day lives. Who we are and how we do things changes all the time. We bring in new owners. We develop new ways to help customers. We struggle to balance a democratic, ethically run co-operative and a busy, financially successful business. But those changes pale in comparison to the kinds of changes we witness every day in our store and online with customers.
Over the past twelve years we’ve seen a dramatic shift in public discussion of sex toys. Oprah may be our most recent convert--but the real change happened one year after we opened, when Sex in the City debuted on HBO, and Hitachi Magic Wands and Rabbit Pearl vibrators became accessories of choice for millions of women that hadn’t previously considered buying them. We’re happy for this change. Customers come in with more information and feeling more empowered to make their own decisions. But there’s one drawback we see.
The trouble with the increasing commercialization of sex toys is that change becomes just another brand name to choose, and growth starts to refer more to the size of your toy box and personal debt, and less to the inner sense of yourself as a happy, healthy, sexual being. Twelve years ago we incorporated as a worker co-operative partly because we didn’t want to be part of that particular capitalistic rat trap. We’re proud to say we’ve stuck to our values, but we have to admit that the battle is getting harder, not easier, as multinational corporations discover the financial allure of adding sex toys to their product lines.
Buying a sex toy is a powerful act, arguably a radical one, and there’s an element of consumerism that can obscure this meaning. In the end there’s really only one reason to buy a sex toy -- the desire to feel pleasure. Feeling sexual pleasure on our own terms and by our own hands (or other body parts) is a dynamic act of self-love and affirmation. It’s not the way we’re “supposed” to be doing things (the “right” way is with a partner, when you’re married, etc…). It’s our experience that one of the reasons many customers are nervous or shy when they come to the store is that they are embarrassed to be making such a bold and socially unsanctioned statement. They are taking a risk, making a change; one that we hope will lead to growth. We know someone has said that not all change leads to growth, but growth is impossible without it. And that’s where we come in. We’ve become experts at creating a space for change. We aren’t here to tell you how to do things or the new “right” way to be. We’re here to facilitate change, encourage growth and be a safe place for you to try out that “new you” that is unique and without a brand name.
News
Position Yourself!
Email us with your most unusual but still possible sex positions, and we’ll set you up for a future of new positions with the LoveBumper sex furniture. This crafty Canadian furniture takes away all the aches and pains and opens up a world of possibilities. We love this product so much we brought in the whole line to share with you. Email entries to contest@comeasyouare.com by September 1st.
Erotic Editrix Extraordinaire Rachel Kramer Bussel
We’re giddy with excitement as we announce that author, editor, blogger (and cupcake lover) Rachel Kramer Bussel will be coming to Toronto to facilitate an erotic writing workshop at Come As You Are. We’ve loved Bussel from afar for many years. It isn’t just her work as editor of over 20 anthologies of erotica, former Village Voice columnist, and superstar cupcake blogger, it’s that we know of few people who devote so much time and passion (and compassion) to creating forums for sex writing and public sex talking. Rachel’s a gem, so check out our newest erotica collection Do Not Disturb, featuring fave tales of hotel trysts. Rachel will be teaching in our Toronto store on Monday October 26th. Admission price includes a copy of Rachel’s most recent collection.
Everything To Do with Sex Show
Toronto gears up for the annual sex fest where you can get an autograph from your favourite porn star and have your teeth whitened all on the same day. All the CAYA staffers will be on hand to give you a break from the hard sales pitch lines and let you decompress. We get to talk to so many people and the excitement lasts long after it is over. Join us November 20 – 22nd at the Direct Energy Centre, Exhibition Place and see first hand what all the glitz, glamour and shenanigans are all about!
Books
Do Not Disturb is the newest offering from our fave editor and writer, Rachel Kramer Bussel. A cute, well-written and often scandalous tribute to sexy and secretive hotel encounters, Do Not Disturb delivers. From grandiose hotel suites to ratty motels (and even a hotel pool), each story explores that line between fantasy and reality, and the delicious escape this setting can offer. Highly recommend. $19.95
Girls on Top is a cheeky and edgy book of stories geared toward women who like be in control. Not very raunchy or dark, these shorts include sensual and consensual play featuring women who know what they want (and how to get it), and their willing partners. From the NFL quarterback receiving anal play for the first time, to the Jehovah's Witness door-to-door callers ending up in a double-penetration threesome, this collection is definitely not your mother's romance novel. Heterosexual focus. $19.95
Daddies is a collection of stories of younger guys lusting after older, more experienced men...and vice-versa. Tales of voyeurism, power play, and deep bonds between men range in explicitness from very soft and tender, to some of the most hard-core writing we carry. Something for everyone! $19.95
Want to try decorative and functional rope bondage? Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes is a great guide to knots of all sorts, with detailed explanations, diagrams and photographs. Easy to use, and allows you to move at your own pace. Great for beginners as well as seasoned players that want to try some new ideas. $22
Toronto-based Maurice Vellekoop brings us an illustrated collection of cartoon cheesecake boys in his new book, Pin-Ups. Cute and seductive, fun and funky full-colour drawings of mermaids, hockey players, two-tone rude boys, fishermen, firemen, lifeguards, and even blacksmiths light up the pages. 62 illustrations. $28.50
Toys
When Fun Factory launched their G2 vibes, we knew that G3 couldn't be far behind! Fun Factory's G-Twist G3 has all of the curves and texture of the original G-Twist, but with a more powerful motor and updated controller. Look for more G3 toys from Fun Factory this fall! $90
Does your bottom love the taste and smell of rubber? Deprive them today with Aslan's Silicone Ball Gag. Featuring a sumptuous and sensual garment leather strap and a hypoallergenic (and scent and taste-free) silicone ball. Available in classic black leather, or luxe white leather with a pink ball. $38
Your favourite sperm-friendly lube just got a little bit sexier! For anyone who loves Pre-Seed, but finds that the applicator song-and-dance is taking some of the spontenaity out of baby-making, Pre-Lube comes in a handy flip-top tube. Pre-Lube is ph-balanced and isotonic, just like the original. $22
We've always loved Sliquid for being lightyears ahead of most lube companies by only making lubes that are both paraben and glycerin free, and now with Sliquid Organics they've raised the bar even higher with this natural line of lubricants. Sliquid Natural has a light consistency but stays put while Sliquid Sensation goes on cool but gets warm with a bit of friendly friction. $18 - $28
Durex Avanti Bare is the first major improvement on Durex's original latex-free Avanti condom. Made of stretchy polyisoprene (non-latex), latex-sensitive condom users will find this condom has much more give and is more form-fitting than the original Avanti condoms. The material used in these condoms is also thinner than most latex condoms, providing even more sensation.
Video
Romantic, sexual and spiritual connectedness has come together later in life for Bill & Desiree, the latest couple to be profiled by the folks at Comstock Films. A movie that really reaches out to the viewer and promotes thought and conversation to those watching, to evaluate their own relationships and to value what they have. United by the love of the outdoors and touch as well as a strong physical attraction to one another, all ages can see that sex can just keep on getting better with age. Also a great DVD for those looking to see older people having sex on film. $29
Parodying the popular television comedy, The Office is a fantastically done, and actually funny, porn version of the show. Some of porn's top stars try their hand at imitating the characters from the show and can totally pull it off--even the music is a delightful take-off of the theme. Shot in the style of a work day-in-the-life, these co-workers make any excuse to get it on. Great sex with some elements of voyeurism (the sexual harassment meeting featuring a live sex show is amazing), this movie has great plot--chuckles without the cheese. Top pick of 2009! $35
Zazel, the smash hit title which first set the bar for extravagant and beautifully shot porn is now available in a brand new 2-disc edition, remastered in HD widescreen, and featuring bonus scenes and a sneak preview for Zazel 2! $45
Want to try something a bit different? The women in American Bi 3 get to see what it's like to have another man go down on their boyfriend, and their boyfriends get to feel what it's like to have another man go down on him for the first time! With no penetration at all during the movie, this movie contains only fellatio, performed by both men and women. Featuring recognizable names from the mainstream porn world. $40
The Final Sessions is the third edition of MySexTherapist.com, a series from Chick Media that we love! Excellently filmed with great audio, five women explain their fantasies to their phone-in sex therapist, and then play them out in detail. Major focus on female sexuality and expression. All of the actresses in the movie are beautiful with natural bodies, and there is no anal sex or facial ejaculation. Recommended! $29
Workshops
September 16
Find Your Sexy Confidence
With Reese Jones
All genders
September 20
Female Ejaculation
With Shannon Bell
Women, Trans People and Men Accompanied by Women
September 27
Erotic and Creative Dreaming
With Chris Ablett
All genders
October 4
Ten Rules for Happy Non-Monogamy
With Andrea Zanin
All genders
October 17
Canes and Caning: An Introduction
With Canemaker Adrian
All genders
October 26
How to Write Erotica
With Rachel Kramer Bussel
All genders
November 7 & 9
Pop His Rocket
With Ducky Doolittle
All genders
November 8
Sex for Survivors
With Ducky Doolittle
All genders
November 10
Creative Sex
With Ducky Doolittle
All genders
November 11
Art of Female Orgasm
With Ducky Doolitte
All genders