Newsletter No. 8: FALL 1999

Introduction

Last December, I received a call from a Globe & Mail reporter. The occasion was a year-end wrap-up of the year in sex, and she wanted an opinion - or at least a pithy quote. Since I found it difficult to pinpoint changes in attitudes about sex (the journalist's phrase) taking place over a year - things don't fall so neatly in place - and since I had little to say about Monica & the prez (remember them?), we didn't see much common ground. What I did say sank like a stone, but since this isn't The Globe & Mail, and since we're coming up onto the season of Pride (end of June in Toronto and throughout the summer in cities across Canada), I thought I'd resurrect some of those ideas here.

 

The big news is how varied sex play is becoming - or rather, becoming acknowledged. Many, or most, of the new ideas, approaches and fantasies are originating from those playing at the margins of gender and sexual identity, refusing the straitjacket prescriptions of what men are supposed to enjoy, what is supposed to turn women on.

Most innovation, including a lot of the best sex toys, gear and literature, as with anything, has been created by people who couldn't find what they needed - or wanted - in the mainstream. The first silicone dildos manufactured in the U. S. were (and still are) produced by a man with paraplegia. He wanted to create a durable, soft dildo that would work as a prosthetic penis. His innovation sparked the production of silicone dildos by more small entrepreneurs. These manufacurers are still hand-making these quality toys and are still at the forefront of innovation in design.

The functional, attractive and durable dildo harness is the commercial version of the grassroots lesbian movement to create a contraption that actually held the dildo in place. For many years, girls who wanted to strap it on or to pack figured out the mechanics themselves. (This is still true for packing: a fine art of creating the right weight and feel, being developed and re-defined by gender-transgressors everywhere.) Years of personal research and business savvy combined has brought us the creations of such companies as Aslan Leather and Stormy Leather, and the days of the groin-injuring snapping-elastic "strap-on" are thankfully behind us. Well, a good idea couldn't just be kept a secret. At Come As You Are, dildo harness sell apace to lesbians and to straight couples (as well as to single straight gals on the make). Plus, knowledge of male anal pleasure has bust out of the gay ghetto, and now everyone wants a piece of it.

We'd like to suggest Pride as a time to honour all the sexual deviants, outcasts and transgressors who have contributed enormously to all of our sexual possibilities. This past year has seen the release of Bend Over Boyfriend (reviewed in this news-letter), two riotous nights of girly fun at a Toronto bathhouse, and the mainstreaming of gay men's sexual knowledge (the books Sex Tips for Straight Women by a Gay Man and Dan Savage's collected colums) - as well as your own adventurings and imaginings. Pride is also a time to honour and strengthen all of us who live with the backlash of violence and hatred from those who fear the explosion of suppressed knowledge that contact brings.

workshops

NOT JUST BOOGIE NIGHTS

July 14 7:30 - 10:00 pm

An overview of all the porn industry has to offer. We will discuss genres, techniques, star power, and thrills. Have you ever been overwhelmed by the selection at the video store? You like the idea of watching porn but aren't too sure where to begin? This is a forum to discuss and enjoy the best of the x-rated. Cost is $15.

SENSUAL AROMATHERAPY

August 11 7:30 - 10:00 pm

A discussion on the combination of scent and sexual play. Topics include massage, incense and the use of essential oils. Facilitated by Nadine Artemis of Osmosis, Everyday Aromatherapy. Cost is $20.

THE ETHICAL LOVER

September 15, 22, 29 7:30 - 10:00 pm

Drawing from the bestselling book, The Ethical Slut, and principles of negotiation and consent in responsible BDSM relationships, this workshopis a chance to explore with others ways to create rewarding sexual relationships. For women only. Facilitated by Leanne Cusitar. Cost is $20.

GIRL PARTS & THE BIG "O"

for those with girl parts

October 25 7:30 - 10:00 pm

GIRL PARTS & THE BIG "O"

for those with boy parts

October 26 7:30 - 10:00 pm

Learn about the what & where of women's sexual anatomy and the what & how of orgasm - in its myriad forms. With Sandra Haar (of Come As You Are). Cost is $15.

FEMALE EJACULATION

November 17 7:30 - 10:00 pm

Returning with her popular seminar, Shannon Bell will discuss female ejaculation from a historical and theoretical perspective, followed by an overview of anatomy and technique, plus a demonstration. For women, and men accompanied by a woman. Cost is $15.

 

Pre-registration is required for all workshops. Sliding scale is available. For more info or to register, please call us at COME AS YOU ARE, 416-504-7934.

books

 

Those baffled by the hows and whys of strap-on play will welcome The Strap-On Book. It will help you navigate the territory, and explains the different types of harnesses, dildos, positions, extra toys you can use. The Strap-On Book delves into the bodies, identities and practices of the strap-on user, specifically written for women, men, and MTF and FTM transgendered folk. It acknowledges the level of fantasy and gender-play that can accompany strapping it on, and richly illustrates with enticing scenarios throughout the book.

If you like your strap-on info in bite-sized chunks, along with helpings of a lot of other information, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex is still a great choice. Dildos and harnesses are covered in an entire chapter on Dildos, one of many on the ingredients of good sex. Vibrators, Communication, Oral Sex, Lubrication, Fantasies are just some of the topics covered in this comprehensive, encouraging guide.

You'll also find solid, explicit dildo/harness information in this lesbian sex guide, the luscious, bold book Making Out. (If it's not your gender or orientation flavour, just adapt the information to your purpose.)

If strap-ons in action is what's needed to fire your imagination, two great comix just might do the trick. XXXenophile is an ongoing treasure featuring sci-fi- inspired scenarios, endearing characters getting embroiled in all kinds of fun and trouble with humans, extraterrestrials and other beings. The Adventures of a Lesbian College School-girl is a fun, funny tale in mouth-watering art. Strap-ons, nuns, nurses, Olympic judges and the new girl at school are featured.

 

The Strap-On Book 19.95

New Good Vibes Guide to Sex 32.50

Making Out 28.95

XXXenophile no. 4 13.95

The Adventures of a Lesbian College Schoolgirl 14.95

toys

 

Warm weather means excursions and adventures into the unknown. Nothing is nicer than finding exactly what you are looking for without really knowing. Serendipity. Beautiful toys that have care put into their design and are made to last longer than a road trip with an ex-partner.

Silicone Japanese vibrators with well-made motors mean that you get super strong vibrations encased in high quality silicone. The buzz just keeps getting better.

The Cyber Dick has also caused quite a stir on the shelves at Come As You Are. Material that feels more real than anything before, the soft exterior and hard middle together create a dildo that has just the right weight to it.

To get all those sensitive areas that only you can find, the Crystal Wand comes in handy. A beautiful, solid clear curve perfect for g-spot or prostate stimulation.

Glass dildos lovingly handcrafted offer divine aesthetics with great physicality. Stunning - and not just to look at.

 

Silicone Japanese Vibrators 80.00 - 100.00

Cyber Dick 60.00

Crystal Wand 65.00

Glass Dildos 95.00

videos

 

A desire for the forbidden is one of the great turn-ons of enjoying porn. Celebrating the diversity of desire with Pride, here are some new staff favorites that offer an adventurous peek into someone else's bedroom. Often people find that tapes they like don't necessarily reflect their identity. While conventional video stores divide videos into orientation and genre we like to encourage people to try a few of different selections before they decide what is their particular want. From plotless gay adventures to gender radicals' personal tales, these tapes offer alternative perspectives and new ideas.

Troublemaker, an original film by director extraordinaire Paul Thomas, is a psychological sex thriller with lots of great dialogue and acting. Asia Carrera is at her best as the manipulated lover.

For more scenes of women together, the San Francisco Lesbian Series is what amateur porn was meant to be. Charisma, camp, and explicit sex.

Falcon series of classic tapes such as Style and Cruisin' are exciting shows of agility and lust. Lots of men in group scenes with little plot and even less talking.

Alley of the Tranny Boys is a video made by a San Francisco independent artist. This video transcends genre and has brains as well as dick. Little plot but lots of personality.

New educational tapes offer a peek into the sex lives of people in the know. Whatever your taste, these video offer the nuts-and-bolts education that is often hard to find anywhere else.

Ordinary Couples, Extraordinary Sex features real-life couples discussing the ways in which they have established rewarding and honest sex lives with their long time partners. Hetereosexual in content, these tapes are rare finds for the explicit honesty and reality they portray.

Bend Over Boyfriend by Carol Queen and Robert Morgan features information on male anal pleasure and the use of strap-on dildos. This video is radical in that it acknowledges something that sex store keepers have been saying for a long time: everybody's a little queer in their bedroom.

And finally, Masturbation Memoirs has different women from very different backgrounds describing their experiences with orgasm and solo play. These women provide us with their personal stories and confessions in affirming candid ways.

 

Troublemaker 40.00

San Francisco Lesbians Series 34.00

Style 45.00

Cruisin' 45.00

Alley of the Tranny Boys for rent only

Ordinary Couples, Extraordinary Sex 45.00

Masturbation Memoirs 65.00

Bend Over Boyfriend 65.00

We're celebrating our second anniversary with a brand spanking new update to our website. Selecting and ordering has now been made easier with our new "shopping cart" system and secure ordering. You can visit the site at www.comeasyouare.com. Drop into the store during Pride Week (June 21 - 26) and receive 10 % off all LGBT-themed books and videos.