Sex & Disability

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Introduction

It’s been a long and ongoing struggle for disabled people and people with disabilities to be recognized properly as sexual beings. There are limited resources out there and sexuality can be a difficult topic to broach with doctors, and it can be hard to find personal care attendants who are open to assisting with the purchase and use of sex toys. Fortunately, there are groups, activists, individuals and websites that are working hard to change this, and sex and sexual pleasure are becoming more and more recognized as a right for all people.

At Come As You Are, we work hard to make and keep our Toronto shop and website as accessible as possible. Our shop features an accessible door, wide aisles, low shelves, and an accessible cash desk. All of our workers support our scent-free policy, and our buyers work hard to seek out more accessible sex toys for our customers. Our website conforms and surpasses the existing guidelines for website accessibility.


Choosing a Sex Toy

As we always tell our customers, everyone’s different. We all have different sexual preferences, different bodies, and different goals. What works for some will never work for all, and this is why choosing a sex toy is such a personal process.

Just as there’s no sex toy that can work for all ‘women’, there is no sex toy that will work for all folks with a disability, even if they might have a similar disability.

Start by figuring out your own goals, taking into consideration your specific preferences and what types of sex play or stimulation you would like to try. After all, the only one who knows best about your needs, desires and dilemmas is you! You are your own sexpert.

The basic formula for figuring out what toy would work best for you is actually quite simple. Figure out what your goal is (genital stimulation, penetration play, anal play, flogging), think about what might get in the way or what things might not be comfortable (de/sensitivity, mobility, easy cleaning/set-ups, privacy) and explore the options available. Of course, our well-trained staff are always more than happy to help, so just ask!


Be Creative

We strongly believe that every sexual exploration is made infinitely better with a lot of creativity and a good sense of humour. People often ask us what sex toys we have for people with disabilities, and while there are some sex products specifically created by or marketed to people with disabilities we find that thinking beyond the marketed use of a toy opens up much more possibilities for pleasure.

For example, vibrating rings are marketed for use around a penis, but because of their elasticity, they can be secured around a hand or finger for an easy-to-hold vibrator. For folks with increased sensitivity, using a cloth between the vibrator and your body can help decrease intensity but still provide the stimulation. Try using a cuff with a masturbation sleeve to get on your way to some rocking fun! These are just a few examples, but with so many sex toys on the market these days, there are more possibilities than ever.

 

Sex Toys and Allergies

People who live with MCS and reduced immune systems usually know just how to shop and take care of their needs. The most important consideration is knowing what is really in what you are using. At Come As You Are, we are explicit about the ingredients in our products, and we can help you find lubricants, condoms and massage oils that suit your needs. We carry a good selection of latex-free safer sex gear, paraben and glycerin-free lubricants, and unscented oils.

When shopping for sex toys, if you are looking to avoid latex, phthalates or other irritants, it is best to avoid most porous toys. Unfortunately, sex toy manufacturers are not required to disclose their materials, but true silicone, glass and stainless steel toys are available. If you’re unsure what your sex toy is made of, you can use a non-latex condom over any dildo or vibrator to prevent contact. To find out more about sex toy materials, check out our article all about sex toy materials.


Further Resources