Come As You Are
Come As You Are
The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life - Revised and Updated
In the twentieth century, women’s sexuality was seen as “Men’s Sexuality Lite”: basically the same, but not quite as good. From genital response to sexual desire to orgasm, we just couldn’t understand that complicated, inconsistent, crazy-making “lady business.” That is, until Emily Nagoski changed the game with her New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are. Using groundbreaking science and research, she reveals in this new and updated edition the secret truths behind maximising sexual wellbeing, including:
- TURNING ON THE ONS, TURNING OFF THE OFFS: Your brain interprets sexual response as a series of gas and brake pedals. Too many women work to press the accelerator without understanding that first they need to let up on the brakes.
- TAKE CONTROL OF THE CONTEXT: Just as tickling can be fun in a positive context but irritation in a negative context, almost any sensation – especially a sexual response – requires positive context to make it a pleasurable one.
- RESPONSIVE DESIRE: Most of us expect sexual desire to be spontaneous and "out of the blue,” emerging in anticipation of pleasure, but it's more common for desire to emerge in response to pleasure. Pleasure first, then desire.
Altogether, they prove that what makes a confident and joy-filled sex life is not what the parts are or how they're organised, but how you feel about them. Stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in sexual wellbeing: they are central to it--and even if you don't yet feel that way, you are already sexually whole.
Specifications for Come As You Are
- Author: Emily Nagoski PhD
- Pages: 382
- Publisher: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks
- Year: 2021
- Binding: Paperback
- ISBN: 9781982165314
- Find in-store: Books > Better Sex > General Guides > Advice
If you're new, start here. It's all the basic information, in pretty thorough detail. Great gift. I do feel the tone reflects the book's "beginner" nature - as an adult, it sometimes feels like you're being talked to like a teenager. Regardless, it's a good intro to sexual wellbeing, and my go-to book for friends who grew up with limited sex ed.
I loved this book. I appreciated that the author created this balance between explaining the science and creating analogies that drove home her teaching points. Even for those well-versed on the subject, it’s worth a read. I took a lot away from it in terms of what myths about my sexuality have permeated my psyche. It’s something I want my stepdaughter to read when she’s a bit older and it’s one I’ve recommended countless times to friends.
I borrowed this book from the library and found it so helpful I am buying a copy! The fictional characters used through the book to explain a lot of the information were very relatable. I’ve recommended this to many other friends. It covers everything about sex inside and out. So many “ah ha moments” throughout. As someone with low desire this book was so helpful.
"Come As You Are" is an incredible book for folx trying to learn more about/make sense of their bodies, physiological and psychological responses to different situations, sexuality, trauma, arousal, bodily function and many, many other things. The book is a great example of how to approach a sensitive topic in a sensitive way, in a way that is simultaneously gentle and factual. The book was part of a syllabus in one of my classes and I've since referred it to many of my friends & community members. It affected me greatly and everyone else I know that has read it loves it too. Nagoski is a gifted writer and I highly, highly recommend this book.
And my cousin's life and my roommate's life. Give it a read. Really. I'm a trans person & still found it super illuminating. It's refreshing reading about sexuality, trauma, etc and not feeling steamrollered by the end of it. Nagoski has a magical touch. Smooth reading. Gonna try out the workbook soon.
Helpful quiz in here about barriers to intimacy and sex. A lot of it felt like stuff I already knew as someone who has explored her sexuality quite a bit, but can imagine would be good for vagina bearers who are new to growth in this area.